gut wrenching - to let go of that hand that has a roadmap of lines that trace their way to a lifetime of so many experiences. To kiss that cheek one last time. To say that last "I love you." to walk away and walk out the door, knowing my "see you later," will be a reunion in heaven one day
gut wrenching - to watch them hug and high five, get one more secret handshake. To hug the lady that has guided and shaped their brains and carried them past benchmarks beyond what we could have dreamed. The lady that hugged them through tears and frustration and oozed so much confidence in them that it became contagious and a spark lit into a flame inside their little hearts. The lady that could see fear or sadness in their eyes and lean in with a hug and pray with and for my babe. To get one last soccer kick, and one last look at the playground and turn and walk away, brushing tears from our cheeks.
gut wrenching - to pack so many bags until you think they may burst, but to THE ounce and no more, until your heart may burst like the 16 bags in front of you, a heart much heavier than the 50 pound weight limit. To get that stomach churning last long, hard hug and kisses on wet cheeks, and turn and walk away to get in the security line. All our ducks in a row behind us, with a stack of passports and a pile of carry-ons, and tissues for the snot and tears. Hearts so heavy it feels like our feet can't move, but somehow they know the drill.
It feels crazy, nothing seems right about it. Emotions too heavy to humanly bare. So many knowns and unbelievable love left behind us. So many unknowns and a cocktail of fear and loneliness with a side of one and a half million questions mixed with a heaping portion of...PEACE.
That's the part that is hardest for me...to get my brain to comprehend the unshakeable peace I feel from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Almost annoying, if I'm being honest. I can't reconcile everything I'm feeling and thinking, but...PEACE.
It comes when God has given you a burden, a passion, a call to obey AND then you actually obey. The peace comes from obedience NOT from the call to obey. The Bible calls it a peace that passes all understanding. And man, there couldn't be a more perfect description.
So many have asked how we do this and let me tell you - I'm a stinking hot mess, one tear away from wanting to sit in the floor and have a meltdown that wouldn't be helpful to anyone in my family!!!
If you haven't gathered yet, we aren't capable. We aren't strong enough. We aren't brave enough. We aren't eve adventurous enough, BUT we have a God who is all of this and more and we trust him. He's never let us down.
We are trusting that as we are walking away, we are walking towards what He has planned for us. We aren't turning our backs on those we love, we just walk together through life in more creative ways than we normally would. While distance keeps us apart, our words mean more and our hearts are knit together.
Walking away from so much, but walking with the King, who put peace in our hearts, hope in our life, direction in our steps and knows what we need and gives it to us.