If it seems like I'm insconsistent and scatter brained lately, it's because I am! The winds of change are blowing rather strong around here.
In January, we finally allowed ourselves to think about it, and we began our countdown. In the middle of summer, we will have reached the four year mark of living in our beautiful country, and we will return to our home country for a full year before coming back. I say home country, but that's really only true for two of us - my husband and I. The other four members have only spent a short number of months there. And so begins, for lack of better words, a CRAZY WILD time in our life.
I don't lightly say "we allowed ourselves to think about it," because here's the thing...when you live in a country not your own, you have two options: make it home, or miserably long for your former home. You can't really walk the line between both. Of course we will always "live" in two places because our hearts are in both places. But once you allow yourself to dwell on living somewhere else, your sense of home begins to disappear.
Lists are made, appointments are set, purging is done, plans for both sides of the globe are made. And all the emotions flood in like a raging storm. Y'all, we are all over the map!
You see? We will be leaving what has been our home in every way possible, and people that we love so dear, to be going home, to where we came from, and people we love and long to see. We will take four babies back to a place that they barely remember, and actually it will be the first time our baby will have ever been in her home country.
We are a big bunch of feelers in our house. Living this type of life we have learned how important it is to feel all the feels. Only then can healing work begin. The kids finally asked one day "is it ok to be happy sad? Or sad happy?" Yes!! Babies that is perfect. So that's how we are all feeling.
So, what in the world do you hold on to when the winds of change are knocking you flat? Every. Day. And you can't seem to get up? The emotions are so brutal and so many that you can't even name them? Well, here's a few things I'm hanging on to, counting on really, with everything I've got:
“Lord, through all the generations you have been our home!” Psalms 90:1 NLT
“The LORD is my shepherd; I have all that I need.” Psalms 23:1 NLT
"Have faith in God. He's on his throne. Have faith in God. He watches o'er his own. He can not fail. He must prevail. Have faith in God. Have faith in God" - an old hymn, Have Faith in God
This list could go on and on, but these two verses and this song are especially sweet to me right now. I have a good, good Father that will give me everything I need. I'm not the only one that has sought home in Him. Generations before me have. He is watching over all of it
See, that's the thing about Jesus. This is a relationship that I have. Not a list of things to do or not. I talk to Him and hear from Him. I am His child and He cares for me. None of this is taking Him by surprise. He's going to hold us together.
But just as He hears me pray and loves to answer, would you pray for us too? These are going to continue to be crazy times for us - horribly sad to say goodbye, so terribly excited to say hello!