Words...y'all I have been fresh out. Haven't had any. Changing cultures is no joke. You don't fit 100% in your host culture. You return to your home culture to find there's no changing back to 100% to the nationality you were born.
Undergoing so much change in my world - it took all my extra thought processing capabilities.
Absent. I think it may be the word I'm looking for. It made me feel absent from myself or who I thought I was. Changing physical locations can make you hone in on what parts of you are actually you, and not what parts are the culture you live in. You get down to the bottom of the glass, and the bits and pieces that are left, are the parts that are you, no matter where you live.
Absent - I have been from writing any extra words. The words I have, have been used asking God lots of questions, searching out lots of things.
But yesterday, as we were searching through the only earthly possessions we have in this country, I found many of my old words. Hilarious how life has changed. Who knew I had so many journals?
The words I found in them were about some of the most momentous occasions of our lives and the people we love most. And you know what I found?
God has not been absent through any of the changes I have experienced. Some have been small, some have been gut wrenching, some have been life shaping.
Absent is not a word that could describe God through them all.
So while I have been searching out who I am, while being stripped to the bare bones, He has been present every twist and turn. My Creator showing me how He has created me. Gently nudging, "yes, that's it." Sometimes confirming, other times giving me glimpses of who He is wanting me to be.
But the lie, that I am most presented with is: that He is absent.
Finding those old journals were a special gift, and real life proof, that absent is not a way I should ever describe God.
He's allowing me to experience a massive amount of change. But He doesn't change. He's always present.
This allows me to not be absent. To wake up every day. Show up to life. Be. Be who He has made me and is making me to be. I've been a slow learner on this one.
But sometimes the slow lessons we learn are the ones that stick the longest, don't you think?